If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
