It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
