i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
