i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
