tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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