I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just google imaged poop.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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