2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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