we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
