I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize