You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
