Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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