I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He shit in the fireplace
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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