I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
