I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
