my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
