Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
