RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think your dad took our porno
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
