I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
