Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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