On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
