If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
