i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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