is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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