I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
