she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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