I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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