Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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