wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
no, he came in my armpit
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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