she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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