so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
