i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
