i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
