My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
