Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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