it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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