well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
did i just pee glitter
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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