I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
