when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
