; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I want her autograph on my taint
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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