It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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