Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
