fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
