I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
