okay pat passed out under dana's car
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize