Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
