I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
