Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
