dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
