Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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