he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
