i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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