I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
