people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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