Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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