What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
