What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
