So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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