Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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