I am in a vortex of obligation.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
