Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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