this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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