We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
