Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
