Say something about gay babies.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
