Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How's work?
Spinning.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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