Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
