I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
