i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
